guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
