At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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