Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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