16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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