And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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