I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
