The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
