Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
