I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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