shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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