he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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