he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
