I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
