I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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