are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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