If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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