Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
