Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
