Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
