i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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