guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize