Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize