Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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