When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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