Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were trust falling into bushes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
