lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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