At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
