last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
