best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
