Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
