you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
