I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
