Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
