Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
