I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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