I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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