my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
