No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
