help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize