dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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