my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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