that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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