Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
