I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
