Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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