My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
