She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
