Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
