thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
