HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
