Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
