I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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