for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
