That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
