..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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