About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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