On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
