You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
