Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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