Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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