you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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