I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
