I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
