A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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