I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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