I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
