No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
