I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
