My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
im on a boat
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